Being neutral,, err??

There is something about those women or girls who never had a high pitch in their voice. No, I am not saying I am attracted to them but I have always thought of being one of them.

I know what you might say, Be yourself. But the kid in me always wanted to grow up and be those sincere girls who seem like they never freak out. They are the ones who you talk to and think how peaceful they are.

No, I have never met a man or a boy like that.

I guess, it's a trait of women only.

I am a bit loud and happy-go-lucky person. I laugh out loud, clapping my hands, like I am a seal. I know people like my company but this way, I think I am never at peace. I am always looking out for something. Either I am too sad or I am too happy. There has never been a time, when I was neutral. You know what I mean, right?

I log into google and do the most useless thing of all, type the question "How to be balanced?"

And while doing all the things they suggest like Keeping a journal and doing meditation, I wonder, why do I need to do them at the first place? I am not a sad person, please! And that is the thought which stops my yoga even if I liked doing it.

Point: I am not saying yoga is sad, but it makes me feel, that I am sad. 

Yes, I know I have a problem. Maybe, I am a bit hyperactive, a bit impulsive and I don't like to do "nothing at all."which is indeed the point of all those calming exercises.

So, here I am, being mad, in the mad world around, looking for serenity but not really wanting it at all. 

Where do I land up then?

I think I know what you have to say. I'll land up, Being Me.