Dark Chocolates

There comes a point in your life, basically in your early twenties, when you start to look too much into future. You have all these ideas about how you want your life to be and who you want to be, This is why this time comes to be the hardest as it requires you to change or move away from your comfort zone. It is when you start listening to yourself more than you ever did. It is this time when friends start being less important and life starts being more. You look for your role models and start learning from what they did and what they did not. You create your own ways. Some choose to talk about it loud and some choose to plan everything on a personal ground before reaching out. But while you are figuring out what you actually desire, the exposure of what other's are doing influences you more. One starts doubting their very own ideas and prefer working on what others have been. In the middle of the maddening crowd and people earning money to have the best of everything, differ...

You realize it when you can't hear anyone else say any ill about them.. You realize it when holding their hand makes you feel better.. You notice when their sweet words melt your anger... You realize it when somehow you always want to forget and forgive.. You notice it when you stop comparing it to what you imagined.. You notice it when you gain a better understanding... you notice when you open your heart a bit... you realize it's real when you stop fantasizing...you realize it's there when you stop idealising.. You realize when you let things the way they are,,, and when you notice them in their own way... You realize maybe it's different somehow..coz you don't know anyone even if you think you know.. You realize maybe it's expressed some way else.... You realize that maybe the flaws persist.. You realize maybe they everywhere exist... But you know it when a smile makes your day beautiful... You know it when you realize it's not exactly how you imagined.....

Is it just me or birthdays are scary? Sometimes I feel that people actually wish more for my birthday to be "special" more than I do. Well.. The party on a birthday is special, but you got to have friends for it, right? (Well...coz I moved away from Delhi, I don't have so many friends where I am currently living) so instead of focusing on how to make my birthday special, I decided to make some new friends..getting hell out of the comfort zone.  and along with it...came the resolution list... things I want do before people are asking me the special plans again next year... 1. weekly blog: find new ideas to write about weekly. it's stressing...and I have made this vow many times, but hey, there's a famous notion of never giving up right? 2. Morning run: nothing is better than a run in the morning, Those sweats and then the shower, I feel is an amazing feeling in life which I still don't practice though. so from tomorrow am tying up my new nike shoes and ...

My two cousins were very close to me. We have shared good times together. Us four: me, my sis and they both brothers. But, now we all have parted our own ways. We four have settled in our own different lives. Maybe I am a very sensitive person deep down. I cannot keep a block in keeping contact with people who have been a major part of my life. Be it my best friend from school or anyone else. So yes, I try to remain in touch with them. But this very thought which comes to every person now and then is, "They do not text us, why should we?". And this makes me sad. I show my angst by saying, "You do not miss me?" But the truth is, even if I say that, they are not going to text me next.  It is still going to be me. So it is just better if I avoid that thought. Maybe, we hold a significant place in our hearts for some people but some do not have the same for us. Or maybe, everyone is just too busy to reminiscence their past, which is of course expected from all of us. ...

I was back to being a 10 year old and my mom was waiting for me outside the school. She hugged me as I ran into her arms with that heavy breathing. It was such a discomfort but oh, my young and pretty mom made me feel safe. And then, I woke up. It was 5am last night and I was having the usual asthma attack because of the ac! I took my puff and went off to sleep. But oh! how good the scene was. Was it a symbol that how much I miss mom's love!! I am going to meet my mom today..but a lot older version from my dream. I distinctly remember what the day was. I remember her little brownish-white colored suit. I think she looked the best that day! We had gone to buy some grocery after my school got over around 12am only!! (I think I was in UKG..lol!!) And then we went off to my dad's clinic. Probably!!! (As I do not have That much good memory). I reckon the poem, "My Mother at Sixty-Six" by Kamla Devi. I was deeply touched reading it.. Even though my mom is not that old b...

What all can happen in one month? There are few things in my life, which I did for a very short duration of time. One was "National School of Drama", a camp I had joined when I was in 5th grade! and I Still remember bits and pieces of it. I had overcome the loss of those special friends I met (one of those, who I met coincidentally in metro). It was depressing for so many years. I was like, Whyyy ? Why do we meet people who are not supposed to stay in our lives forever??!! and the most recent experience was now, my first job. It does not matter how much developed the company was or was not, but the people there were those who I had to meet!! No wonder, a job brings back your self-respect, security and confidence, but being so lucky to find just the people you need is exceptional!! I have said it all times that unexpected things happen at unexpected times. You never know what good time awaits you in future!  The people I met in the office i.e. my team, was the company I...

That day I was leaving for my college in a hurry. But then, I felt like I forgot something, so I rushed back in, opened the almirah, took out some money and bid you goodbye. I for once thought to kiss your forehead while you were waving your hand with a very difficult effort. But then I ignored because I was getting late and went out. You must remember how you used to wake me up and my sister at 4am when we both were in school. I hated it, Of course! I was in 3rd grade afterall.. Why so much misery in summer vacations? But now, all I remember are the calm mornings and the breeze. The swing sets in the garden. Even the broken ones. The kids along with me, especially the few I used to fight with over turns. The chirping of the birds which I guess is so rare now (well, am not quite sure because I still cannot wake up that early). I remember you, playing cards with your friends. I remember how I used to feel safe and secure only till I could have a sight of you from far away. Oh! I do...